I think when you turn 27 your biological clock literally starts to tick. This makes sense considering the recent news that half my eggs are gone by 30. Scratch that 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by 30. Just writing that makes me want to get impregnated, NOW.
Ever since my 27th birthday I literally go home from a night out thinking... I am tired of this I am ready for a baby. I began reading baby blogs and researching about births. Every other day I would talk baby names with my favorite google chat friends.I discussed it with my husband and he agreed. I announced to my parents that 2010 would be the year I would give them a grandchild. Yep...this was it. I celebrated my last pack of birth control ever in August with friends. I was so sure of my decision and excited about it. I even calculated when I would get pregnant, when I would have my maternity leave.etc..etc.
I am not sure exactly what happened but the month I was supposed to go off birth control I had a mild panic attack drove straight home opened my next pack of birth control and continued on.
Then my baby inklings returned around October. I became obsessed. I was ready so ready. Why did I go back on my decision this was TIME!If I wanted to have a baby while my husband was in the military this is it! My husband was supposed to leave on deployment later, so I wanted to wait until right before he left. Chris and I went on a trip in early November and early December we would really try! Then I went to a baby shower of a close friend. My friend Emily asked me if it was making me want a baby, and because I always tell Emily the truth, and I was drinking a mimosa I replied the truth, "not at all." All I could think about was I wanted another mimosa and quick.
Somehow I forgot about this whole epiphany and by the holidays I was well on the way to another full blown baby kick. I dreamt of babies EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I researched more on baby sites, talked baby names with hubby and was generally excited. Then of course, the doubt started to surface. ONE, my mother in law gave me a gift for Chris, Wendy, and future baby. Seriously?? Who does that. It made me want to throw up. Literally. Pretty sure this is not a good sign. Later I went to Sherlock Holmes with my hubby and in laws and all I could think about was that I didn't want to have a baby. So, I had to break the news to Chris. He was pretty upset. I think he is afraid I'll never want a baby. I don't think this is the case. I just can't get out of doubt/obsession cycle. Now he is leaving for deployment and there is most likely no time anyway. So as I promised I would either have a baby or run half marathon in 2010. Marathon it is!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
10/31/09 Pumpkin Run
Here is me with some of my favorite people after my second 5k that I completed on 10/31/09. I wanted to make sure you knew I was still running!!
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