Don't compare yourself to others

Hello Blog World! As you could see from my post below I signed up for a half marathon! For the past few weeks I had been down about my running and working out in general. It probably all started when I ran a 5k with a bunch of hard core runners. All the girls were super thin and everyone was talking about what times they wanted. I just wanted to run the whole time. Then the run was hot and I could barely breathe. I began to feel sorry for myself. The old bad thoughts began to poison my mind. "You can't do this," "Running sucks," "You will never be able to run a 5k in less than 30 minutes, why are you even trying." So I put these pictures up to remind myself. "Wendy you look a hell of a lot better now that you are a runner (ALSO THANK YOU WEIGHT WATCHERS) AND you are much happier." A person can only be the best version of themselves. I may never be able to run a 5k in less than 30 minutes. I may never get to that 150 pounds that I once tried to achieve. I can though continue to be the healthiest best version of myself.

Rock and Roll Half Marathon

I signed up! Rock and Roll Half Marathon Here I come!

Sept 5th, 2010

Three months to train!

In Second Grade

March 1982: Wake County Superintendent Dr. Walter Marks proposes a Schools of Choice program of educational options designed to achieve racial balance and efficient utilization of schools. The magnet program begins August 1982. (News and Observer).

May 10th, 1982: I am born.


In 2nd grade my parents chose to send me and my sister to Washington Elementary. A magnet school in downtown Raleigh across the street from the projects.

In 2nd grade a white mid to upperclass girl knew the name of those projects, Walnut Terrace.

In 2nd grade, I had my 8 year old party. I remember two things distinctly. One, my friend asking me " you are friends with black people." I had one black friend there. Two, a different friend telling me she wanted to come to my party, but didn't know if she could buy me a present. She lived right by the school and rode the green bus, not the pink bus.Speaking of buses, my sister and I rode the bus everyday. We loved our 45 minute bus ride.

She "found" me a present, a pair of hoop earrings. I have a picture with me and those earrings. I loved those earrings. In college, in my class Teaching Diverse populations, when I was asked to remember my first experience of diversity, I remembered these memories.

Last night, Wake County voted to end the diversity policy that has been in effect for a long time. Schools will go into neighborhood schools. Each school zone will have a magnet, year round and traditional option. My husband went to neighborhood schools and he turned out fine. He went to school with all of his friends in the neighborhood. In second grade, I was friends with all my neighborhood kids as well as kids in north Raleigh, regular Raleigh, downtown, and other parts of Cary.

I don't even live in Raleigh and it breaks my heart. I don't even have children and it still makes me cry. This policy is a little about racism, a little about new people not understanding, but mostly about the future, and me understanding a little more the people that walk into my office everyday straight from the projects of downtown Norfolk, and me understanding a little more the importance of Washington Elementary, and the old school policy.

Baby vs. Marathon

I think when you turn 27 your biological clock literally starts to tick. This makes sense considering the recent news that half my eggs are gone by 30. Scratch that 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by 30. Just writing that makes me want to get impregnated, NOW.

Ever since my 27th birthday I literally go home from a night out thinking... I am tired of this I am ready for a baby. I began reading baby blogs and researching about births. Every other day I would talk baby names with my favorite google chat friends.I discussed it with my husband and he agreed. I announced to my parents that 2010 would be the year I would give them a grandchild. Yep...this was it. I celebrated my last pack of birth control ever in August with friends. I was so sure of my decision and excited about it. I even calculated when I would get pregnant, when I would have my maternity leave.etc..etc.

I am not sure exactly what happened but the month I was supposed to go off birth control I had a mild panic attack drove straight home opened my next pack of birth control and continued on.

Then my baby inklings returned around October. I became obsessed. I was ready so ready. Why did I go back on my decision this was TIME!If I wanted to have a baby while my husband was in the military this is it! My husband was supposed to leave on deployment later, so I wanted to wait until right before he left. Chris and I went on a trip in early November and early December we would really try! Then I went to a baby shower of a close friend. My friend Emily asked me if it was making me want a baby, and because I always tell Emily the truth, and I was drinking a mimosa I replied the truth, "not at all." All I could think about was I wanted another mimosa and quick.

Somehow I forgot about this whole epiphany and by the holidays I was well on the way to another full blown baby kick. I dreamt of babies EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I researched more on baby sites, talked baby names with hubby and was generally excited. Then of course, the doubt started to surface. ONE, my mother in law gave me a gift for Chris, Wendy, and future baby. Seriously?? Who does that. It made me want to throw up. Literally. Pretty sure this is not a good sign. Later I went to Sherlock Holmes with my hubby and in laws and all I could think about was that I didn't want to have a baby. So, I had to break the news to Chris. He was pretty upset. I think he is afraid I'll never want a baby. I don't think this is the case. I just can't get out of doubt/obsession cycle. Now he is leaving for deployment and there is most likely no time anyway. So as I promised I would either have a baby or run half marathon in 2010. Marathon it is!

10/31/09 Pumpkin Run

Here is me with some of my favorite people after my second 5k that I completed on 10/31/09. I wanted to make sure you knew I was still running!!